High school romances were so easy and so much fun. They were innocent and romantic, and always full of X’s and O’s and smiley faces. But for most of us ladies it’s been many years out since we were in classrooms, gushing over how cute the new boy was… but in many ways, I feel I am still learning the basics when it comes to love. Lately, I find myself operating between my constant state of vulnerability and my more grown up attitude and beliefs than my past has been conditioned to be.
Maybe the choice between becoming professionally and academically driven and opening my heart is as artificial as my nail tips? My hair is natural, my lips and hips haven’t been surgically altered, but yet I can decide when and to which color I am going to paint my nails with far greater ease than the possibility of finding and falling in love. Living with an open heart takes far more emotional strength and calculated risk than my academic preparation has prepared me to be. So while pursuing success may be a grueling journey, it is far easier than say dating. Academically you can see the progress and at some point you reap your rewards. Perhaps us Black women find it easier to commit to professional relationships more so than romantic involvements simply in part because we trust the system. Navigating the economic ladder usually doesn’t require as much finess and social regurgitation as dating. To put it blatantly, if you could date knowing that it would be a success or failure based on calculated procedures there would be a lot less single ladies out there. But since it isn’t, some women are left wondering if there is a full-proof way of finding love.And if not, why even take the risk.
So eloquently put by Leslie Pitterson of Clutch Magazine, “Years of relationships with men of different shades of the same character can leave a woman of any color numb to the idea of the chase.” Honestly, how much can one woman take? Why is when she is ready, there seems to be a lack of guys ready with her? Guys say blame her, ladies say blame the the guys. Who’s to blame when love doesn’t stand a chance to gain? Then again, we ladies grow up with the hurt and pain of broken relationships passed down through generations, it’s in our genetic makeup now. We learn at the innocence of child hood to have guarded perspectives of black men from our mothers, aunts, sisters, cousins, grandmothers and peers.
So woman to woman, I ask you ladies to take a look at whatever your guarded perspectives of relationships are and take some advice from a woman who is learned new things about herself everyday…. Remember to have fun! Ladies we could each write a book on the relationships, dates, one-nights, and pitiful excuses of a date we have been on, but in actuality if I had my chance, I’d instead tell the world how deathly afraid I am to ever give love again, because no one can love me better than I can love myself, I think. Maybe it’s time I take a leap of faith into love’s ocean and open my heart to its soothing touch. It’s time I had some fun with love.