Friday, June 4, 2010

The Commencement of Adolescence

Upon the encroachment of my 25th and a half birthday I have started to realize I am no longer blossoming into womanhood. I give thanks to the church that I have called home for over 20 years, the culprit for this thinking. This past week the church celebrated 125 years of serving the Richmond community! Take that you mega churches! Yes, Riverview Baptist Church has held on through the ebb and flow of all sorts of churchy drama, community changes, and still is standing like a beacon of light on the corner of Idlewood Avenue and um… Robinson Street :) But it was sitting on one of the back pews, probably one of the same pews I sat on when I was an infant in my mother’s arms, that I realized I was no longer in transition from adolescence into adulthood. I had arrived into Womanhood. However, there was no pomp and circumstance, no graduation ceremony, no Senior-itis, no party invitations and acceptance speeches. Instead it was a graduation of my mental ideology that initiated into the commencement of adolscence.

I started on this journey probably before I can remember. The date and time of my transformation was predestined upon my conception. Physically my body began to change when I was in middle school and I was physically a woman long before my childish mentality would catch up. I could bear children at the ripe age of 12, which only a few hundred years ago didn’t seem young at all. From my early blooming season, I navigated the often choppy and treacherous waters of adolescence with tremendous speed and agility entering into my early 20s full speed ahead. Those early years of being 20 something were full of a lot of good times and a lot of hard lessons. But none of it could prepare me for what happened when I turned 24. Something about that magical number, exactly 12 years after my body blossomed into womanhood my mind began to bloom. Since that date in December 2008 I have had the privilege of arriving into womanhood with the grace and fortitude of those who have come before me.

What college didn’t prepare me for, experience laid the foundation. I’ve been through some things, and my divine purpose has been laid in front of me. What once felt like I was wading in the waters of Jordan has now been replaced by the sensation of dry land. What I face before me is uncharted territory. This is the arrival at one of many destination points in my life’s journey. As I look back, I see my childhood, the memories both positive and negative I carry at my side. When I was a child, I thought like a child. Now that I am grown, much is required of me and I must cut a pathway for others to follow. Like the church I grew up in, I have made it through a few ebb and flows of life’s journey.

In my short years on Earth, I have blossomed into womanhood. I now march to the beat of my own drum. I walk in my own size 8 1/2 pumps. I now pause to marvel at how beautiful this world is, and shed a tear over its destruction. I have manifested into a woman of character, a woman of good reputation, a woman of her word, and a woman of steadfast prayer and praise, a woman of God. I am a woman on the grow! Just because I have arrived into womanhood, does not mean I have stopped growing and learning. I have loved a few with all my heart and soul, I have given time and space to those who didn’t deserve it, and shied away from those who did deserve it. I have made promises I have broken, and have been disappointed by others. Some friendships have been strained, and others strengthened. Work has been hard but fruitful, and I have given back to the community that supported me.

As I sat on that last church pew I saw the guest preacher before me materialize into a living and breathing God. The church walls dissolved and then God himself sat down with us to marvel at 125 years of service and devotion. It is a blessing when God sits down to marvel. It was in the vision that I saw myself sit down to marvel at how blessed I am and how I continue to withstand the ebb and flow. Twenty-five years may seem minuscule to some, but for those who have shared in my joys and pain know that 25 years into womanhood is indeed a blessing. I thank God for those who have been with me since the beginning, for those who have come and gone, and for those who remain!


Thursday, June 3, 2010

My Thoughts On Love & Relationships Of A Career Woman

High school romances were so easy and so much fun. They were innocent and romantic, and always full of X’s and O’s and smiley faces. But for most of us ladies it’s been many years out since we were in classrooms, gushing over how cute the new boy was… but in many ways, I feel I am still learning the basics when it comes to love. Lately, I find myself operating between my constant state of vulnerability and my more grown up attitude and beliefs than my past has been conditioned to be.

Maybe the choice between becoming professionally and academically driven and opening my heart is as artificial as my nail tips? My hair is natural, my lips and hips haven’t been surgically altered, but yet I can decide when and to which color I am going to paint my nails with far greater ease than the possibility of finding and falling in love. Living with an open heart takes far more emotional strength and calculated risk than my academic preparation has prepared me to be. So while pursuing success may be a grueling journey, it is far easier than say dating. Academically you can see the progress and at some point you reap your rewards. Perhaps us Black women find it easier to commit to professional relationships more so than romantic involvements simply in part because we trust the system. Navigating the economic ladder usually doesn’t require as much finess and social regurgitation as dating. To put it blatantly, if you could date knowing that it would be a success or failure based on calculated procedures there would be a lot less single ladies out there. But since it isn’t, some women are left wondering if there is a full-proof way of finding love.And if not, why even take the risk.

So eloquently put by Leslie Pitterson of Clutch Magazine, “Years of relationships with men of different shades of the same character can leave a woman of any color numb to the idea of the chase.” Honestly, how much can one woman take? Why is when she is ready, there seems to be a lack of guys ready with her? Guys say blame her, ladies say blame the the guys. Who’s to blame when love doesn’t stand a chance to gain? Then again, we ladies grow up with the hurt and pain of broken relationships passed down through generations, it’s in our genetic makeup now. We learn at the innocence of child hood to have guarded perspectives of black men from our mothers, aunts, sisters, cousins, grandmothers and peers.

So woman to woman, I ask you ladies to take a look at whatever your guarded perspectives of relationships are and take some advice from a woman who is learned new things about herself everyday…. Remember to have fun! Ladies we could each write a book on the relationships, dates, one-nights, and pitiful excuses of a date we have been on, but in actuality if I had my chance, I’d instead tell the world how deathly afraid I am to ever give love again, because no one can love me better than I can love myself, I think. Maybe it’s time I take a leap of faith into love’s ocean and open my heart to its soothing touch. It’s time I had some fun with love.


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Murder in the First Degree: The Truth about Cheating

What often may begin as innocent flirting or a simple act of affection can lead toward the act of infidelity or murder in the first degree, as cheating takes place in the mind long before it happens in the bedroom. There isn't too heavy a grey line here, but the decision to cheat is pre-meditated. To cheat is a choice. It is an action that roots its initial stages in your mind before you have carried out that choice. I am specifically referring to situational/ circumstantial cheating. That is cheating that's based on your current relationship status as “in a relationship” and in a cognizant state, you choose to step out of the bounds of your relationship into the awaiting arms of KARMA. But the consequences of your actions are purely your own, as I am not here to discuss the whys and the hows. There are a gazillion reasons as to why and how people cheat. But, I believe that people cheat simply because they CAN cheat.

Infidelity is a topic that doesn’t adhere to skin tones, age, sexuality or gender. People, all over the world cheat. However, infidelity is something the black community is no stranger towards, but yet has not made significant gains in combating the issue. We have witnessed recently, numerous celebs that have been ousted for cheating on their wives or girlfriends. Sure they have been chastised in the public eye and their private life put on public display, but who was really humiliated? Had that guy only decided NOT to cheat, would his private life still be intact. And, it’s not just a guy thing. A lot of people always lump men as the ones who cheat, but I have noticed a lot of men have been cheated on before by a girlfriend or wife. Yes, women cheat as well, it just so happens that women are a bit more careful at covering up their tracks. Other times, their actions are blatant disrespect towards their sig other.

There’s no cookie better than new cookies is a common saying among men. In other words men want variety. The opportunities for “cookies” is everywhere. We live in a “prostitution culture.” Just turn on the TV if you don't believe me. Sexual images are on display 24/7 and are not hardly censored. The man that says the above quote is loyal to the booty. He will never cheat on the booty. Booty is his best friend. Some men are at that level, and it's a Woman's choice to recognize that or to ignore it. Such Men are honest cheaters. Honest cheaters are loyal to the pursuit, not the person. Honest cheaters are devoted to the ritual of getting into relationships and not the relationships themselves. Those Men are committed the feminine body part that gives them the most pleasure.

As stated before, many women DO cheat on their sig others, and often more than once. The majority of women in relationships cheat emotionally. And that some of the main reasons most Women do not cheat sexually has to do with programming received from childhood, culture, religion, other Women- and even in most cases – shame of pregnancy, because usually the Woman is stuck with the baby. This idea is ingrained in most women even though we have contraceptives and birth control. Those things are not a natural part of our psyche, which explains why so many people still do not use them.

Sexual concurrency might be the acceded norm for many in the Black community but at what risk? Black males with numerous families can’t father them all effectively so the children are left without stable homes. Some black women who are cheated on not only become distrustful of black males but also angry and depressed. And in the end, although black males in their youth feel good about their number of conquests, detached and unmarried black men have the lowest life expectancy. Also the spread of sexual diseases amongst Black women, especially herpes and HIV, continues to be a large result in sexual concurrency and other promiscuous sexual behavior.

In the end no one wins.

Cheaters usually end up caught at some point, and often times it can be quite embarrassing (think Cheaters TV show). Every sex partner that a Man or Woman has ever had, has volunteered to help create them at a material and emotional level. Physical and mental sex are pathways to our self creation. I believe that because we are accustomed to having whatever it is we desire, when we desire it, including another person... the probability of cheating has increased. So what are your thoughts on cheating? Is cheating a deal breaker in a relationship? Is cheating worth the risk of being exposed/labeled?

Roxci Heart

(got this from a buncha articles, including my own brain)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

This Has Been An Idol PSA

I normally don't get into the Anmerican Idol hype since the majority of the people who can sing... get voted off! but oh the American Idol auditions are always too funny! And this year Atlanta has really brought their best material! Insert General Larry Pratt from good 'ol hot ATL. He has a message for those men walking around the streets of ATL with their pants hanging low... pull 'em up boys, or Gen. Pratt is out to get you! He may be 62 years old but he can move and shake a lot better than some of us 20 year olds. His audition is pure comedy! Don't believe me..... check it out for yourself!

Roxci Heart

Inglorious Bastards

I have a question to all the fellas out there: how come you never recognize a gem until you don’t have it anymore? Throughout the dating period you may not have been ready to commit to her, but she was ready to commit to you. She gave you her heart and you didn’t have the decency to let her know the truth. The truth of the matter being you weren’t ready to be just her man. I wonder, have you told yourself the truth about how you really are? How come when a woman finally leaves you do some of you men finally realize her worth? Why even string her along?
As you know, I am not speaking to all men here. If you are a good man and have a good woman at home, perhaps you can share some insight with your fellow brethren here about what it takes to be a good man to a woman. Ladies, listen up, these men may have some advice to help you locate “a good man” vs one of these inglorious bastards.

Now I am not blaming you for creating the cycle. It was a number of factors that acted as catalysts to the disintegration of the black family, however you all have the power to stop the cycle from continuing into another generation. But you haven’t started. When are you men going to do better? When are you men going to hold yourself to higher standards? Are you holding out for the right woman? Exercise some self control and mind control and focus on other important things besides instant gratification. If it’s all about some ass or a nutt at the end of the day why even pretend to be interested in getting to know someone? Just let it be known. Stop blaming women for your own insecurities and get your grown man on! Start REACHING your dreams not just aspiring. Get to know a woman for her mind and not her body. Her body doesn't raise kids or ensure the future generation will have positive role models to identify with. Reach back into your community and help your fellow brothers stay in school and help them get a job. Buy a suit or two brothers! Seriously.

For the bastards, I never understood the male chauvinist attitude where women were treated as objects of desire and not a jewel to be cherished. Now sex is no new age phenomenon. It predates men and women (think animals). Sex was created for reproduction purposes and unfortunately now it’s pretty much just for pleasure. Is that what men are looking for in today's society, a pleasureable moment? So you want to get it out of your system, you say? Put that same energy into one woman and see what you get. HA! You have a higher chance of staying disease free! But before you even lie down with someone how about you figure out what the end result will be? Have a conversation with each other that doesn't lead to the bedroom. Think about your future, and your future’s future.

Rant done.


Roxci Heart

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Teenage Love Affair

Remember back in the day when loving someone was innocent. There wasn’t a “process” that was involved. You just liked the person and whole lot and when they liked you back you started dating after a few phone calls. Remember when you loved that person because they meant so much to you? Do you remember your first high school teenage love affair? Matter of fact, do you remember your first high school crush? Why did you like that person?

You and your boo were together for always and forever. If you went to the same school, they would walk you to class and hold your books for you. They would leave notes in your lockers or under your chair in class. You would doodle his/her name all over your notebook and couldn’t help but to be in love with him/her. You all might have sat at the same table for lunch or even had at least one class together. After school they would take you home or walk you to your bus. And even if you didn’t go to the same school, somehow you would end up on the phone for HOURS and meet up for weekend rendezvous in the school or mall parking lots.

I remember those nights I would fall asleep on the phone with my boo for hours. Hang up and do it all over again the next night! Or those days we would be on the phone from 3:00 until dinner (that was family time in my house) and then right back on the phone after homework was done. I have no clue what I had to say for those umpteenth hours, but whatever it was, the conversation never stopped. Now, you gotta pull teeth to ask people about their day, and conversations are held in 140 characters or less. So why don’t we embrace those innocent times again? Granted the 16 year old mind is flightier than a rare bird but there was some sincerity in those relationships. You dated the person not because you thought they were good husband or wife material, you didn’t date them because they were rich (maybe you did), but because you REALLY liked them! Above all that person was SOO CUTE to you! Ahh to be young again!

Embrace It!

Roxci Heart

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Fire's Love

Fire's Love
by Shea Oliver

I was once told Fire is one thing you cannot control,
But fire itself has a story untold.
Fire is seen always negatively,
Never for how beautiful it really can be.
It consumes and destroys and burns, but in fire there is rebirth.
Fire can dance on water, it can lighten up the sky.
Fire can make the earth move, and fire can solidify.
Fire can mend a broken heart, fire can keep you warm,
But whom can fire lean on when there's no one to depend on?
Fire’s glow is hot and bright.
The dawn of the day stretches across the sky to bring sunlight.
At evenings dew the glimpse of a fire,
Has given up hope of finding its heart’s one desire.
To return at dawn’s first light,
In search of the one love fire can ignite.
But whom is fire to love?
Not the sky, nor the earth, nor the seas billowing by,
Yet everyone wants to be comforted by fire’s side,
So who is fire to love if everyone is afraid to touch?
Whom can fire depend on if love is no such?


I am like fire dancing over water, playing in its waves. I am like fire running with the wind, choking on its breath. I am like fire moving the earth, angry at its pace. Fire is freewheeling spontaneous and ablaze. Fire is comforting drawing others to its flame.

New Beginnings: That Mean Old Yesterday & Life More Abundantly

Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is A Mystery, Today is a Gift, that's why it's called the Present.

You ever had a yesterday that was mean as Hell? Like it was personally out to get you. All you could do is just make it through the day. It might have started out as a day of potential and possibilities, but it ended up being a day of problems. Well Today is a New day and you can kick that mean old yesterday to the curb. Its a day of wonders and potentiality. Today I choose to live life more abundantly. 2009 has past its prime… but it’s time to win in 2010. I left some BAD HABITS back in 2009. I am on a path of self improvement.

I started with God, The Father and figured out how to blossom into womanhood. I lived history as OBAMA was sworn into office that cold January day. By March I learned a lesson in tough love when Chris (BeatHerDown) Brown beat up Rihanna before the Grammy Awards. I realized even stars aren’t immune to abusive treatment. I moved on in life and love and then we ended things by breaking up. By June I made my last stand with ALL THE SINGLE LADIES and TURNED MY SWAG ON! (Seriously, SWAG was the most overused term of 2009). In April I chopped off half of my hair. A rocky first half led me to believe summer time would be a growth time for me. With a relatively mild summer I worked hard to focus on me. I read a few books on how to Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, The Conversation, and the Bible too. I signed up on TWITTER @acelove if you need me. I managed to create my blog site is where you can find me. Still didn’t get my very own BlackBerry. I vowed to go on a quest for love’s true identity. But the month of June turned out to be a mess, when the RedLine Metro crashed and Michael Jackson passed. I never thought the events would ever coincide, but unfortunately they happened side by side. July and August lived up to be steamy, but blessed and highly favored the Lord would see me. By September I witnessed true love in the making, a celebration of the union between Toni & JB. Then VIBE shut down and I thought my world was lost. During the Fall I began to read up on the Holy Trinity. Studied with twelve disciples and took my behind to church. I went through October, November and December and found out THOSE WHO MATTER WON’T MIND, and THOSE WHO MIND, DON’T MATTER. After Chris Rock let the world know the truth about GOOD HAIR I took off my wigs and let my Righteous SOUL GLOW. I ended the year with the passing of a matriarch, a grandma who was called on home, but in that sadness was rebirth when Toni gave birth (on the same day). Throughout the holidays, I relied on those I could trust, my family and I watching a few great movies that restored my faith in love. THE PRINCESS and the FROG, AVATAR, and I gave thanks to the Lord I was not raised like PRECIOUS. I began to sow seeds into my faith, and grew into a woman of substance and faith. With Faith and Hope I stand before thee ready to face this New Year before me. A life more abundantly I enjoyed 2009, but in 2010 like FABOLOUS says it’s MY TIME to shine.

Roxci Heart =)